Would like advice Re: Trans person

[Anonymous 1]

I wouldn't consider saying a nice supportive thing as a "discussion".

Let me put it this way since you seem adamant on "mentioning" it. By bringing up the face that the kid is trans you are in essence reminding the child and their parent about a part of their life that is dead to them now. In simple terms it's like reminding someone of something horrific or embarrassing that they'd rather not talk about at all. It's not "sweet" to mention even if it's meant well. Don't F***ing mention it at all if you mean well and want to be respectful.

Personally, when I started mentioning my son to people and using a different name almost all the people who are or were supportive would respond with acknowledgement of something having changed in our family dynamic. They'd say they liked the name or ask who chose it or just say in a message "well, you've had some changes in your life. Congratulations!" The ones who just wanted to be polite wouldn't say a thing or just respond politely without mentioning gender and I'd hear nothing from them again. Some of them even stopped being my friend on social media.

This is a message to the parents and not the transitioned individual. But that's just my take as a parent of a transgender child.

You INITIATING the conversation as the parent is a different scenario. The only thing needing to be mentioned in this case is a congratulations on a graduation. Not a discussion into family dynamics of a former friend that is barely an acquaintance now.

[Anonymous 9]

If you feel the need to "acknowledge" that the person has changed their name/gender, then the kindest, classiest, most noble and honorable thing you could do is simply not respond to the announcement at all.

[Anonymous 1]

I don't agree with that. I am thinking for Mother's Day, I am going to send my friend a happy mother's day text like I do each year and then say I got the graduation card and that is wonderful and congrats to you and your family (or something like that).

If you feel the need to "acknowledge" that the person has changed their name/gender, then the kindest, classiest, most noble and honorable thing you could do is simply not respond to the announcement at all.

[Baconqueen13]

I wouldn't consider saying a nice supportive thing as a "discussion".

Personally, when I started mentioning my son to people and using a different name almost all the people who are or were supportive would respond with acknowledgement of something having changed in our family dynamic. They'd say they liked the name or ask who chose it or just say in a message "well, you've had some changes in your life. Congratulations!" The ones who just wanted to be polite wouldn't say a thing or just respond politely without mentioning gender and I'd hear nothing from them again. Some of them even stopped being my friend on social media.

This is a message to the parents and not the transitioned individual. But that's just my take as a parent of a transgender child.

You INITIATING the conversation as the parent is a different scenario. The only thing needing to be mentioned in this case is a congratulations on a graduation. Not a discussion into family dynamics of a former friend that is barely an acquaintance now.

Once again, it's not your F***ing place. If "Mom" brings it up that's one thing. Otherwise a "Congratulations to (insert name) on graduation" is the ONLY thing that is warranted to be mentioned.

[Baconqueen13]

My trans kid says your best bet is to congratulate on the graduation and use preferred pronouns. Mentioning the transition would come across as "cringe and performative (like you're trying to make it all about yourself and how accepting you are)" as opposed to supportive of the graduate, especially when you don't even talk to the person and merely exchange Christmas cards.