What to do with the instruments?

[Anonymous 4]

I would talk to my kids and explain that unless they plan on taking the instrument back up in the very near future, they are worth a lot of money that our family could use and another kid can get use of them, so we’ll be selling them. I’m assuming you paid for them to begin with, so I wouldn’t give them part of the money if you could really use it.

OP, if they hadn't touched them in over a year, then I would agree with this sentiment, unless they bought them with their own money.

[Olioxenfree]

Whether they purchased instruments with their own money or were gifted the instruments, the instruments are still theirs, not the parents.

Um, no. Their parents paid all that money for them, their parents have every right to it. She said they could really use the money. We frequently sell our kids clothes, toys, etc when they outgrow them on marketplace and such, unless our kids paid for it, we use that money to buy new things for the family. When I was a teenager my parents gave me a hand me down old car, when I went away to college and the car eventually got to the end of its life, my parents sold it for scrap and I knew that was their money and I had zero problem with it because I knew my parents originally paid for it plus a whole lot more for me when I was a kid.

I agree with Anon2, but it depends on the age of the child. My DD has four outfits for her highland dancing, I have purchased all four of them for her. The outfits are hers now, to do as she pleases. When she was younger she knew the outfits were to be used to purchase new ones if she wanted one or outgrew one. But now she is older of she decides she is done and wants to quit the outfits are hers to do as she pleases. If she wants to keep them she can, if she wants to sell them feel free the money is hers to do as she wants. Thing is most highland dancers keep their last kilt outfit.

But then again the situation between myself and the OP may be different, so could change my view if I needed the money.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to let the kids decide and to keep the money, but it’s also not wrong for the parents to decide and keep the money for expensive activities that they paid for. If something had super sentimental value, like my son was given a nice violin for his birthday by my husbands grandmother or there’s a sports uniform my daughter really wanted to keep, then I’d take that into account, it is a conversation and not something we just do without them knowing, but we’re not leaving for example sports equipment for a sport they no longer play sitting in our closet taking up space. They understand that equipment both for extra curriculars aren’t “gifts”, they are equipment purchased for them to do an activity, which we also paid for, and will be either passed down to their younger siblings or sold once they no long have use for it.

[Traci_Momof2]

I would talk to my kids and explain that unless they plan on taking the instrument back up in the very near future, they are worth a lot of money that our family could use and another kid can get use of them, so we’ll be selling them. I’m assuming you paid for them to begin with, so I wouldn’t give them part of the money if you could really use it.

Whether they purchased instruments with their own money or were gifted the instruments, the instruments are still theirs, not the parents.

But if the parents bought the instruments because the kids needed it to be in orchestra, that's not the same as a gift. It's still the parents decision ultimately what to do with the instruments and what to do with the money.

OP - Personally I would strongly encourage my kids to consider selling the instruments for the money. What we do with the money depends on just what it's needed for. If it's needed for necessities such as paying the bills or putting food on the table, then that takes precedent. Otherwise I would look into either putting it into their college funds or just straight up 50/50 split. Know that no choice is wrong, it really depends on the dynamics of the family situation.

[highlandmum]

Um, no. Their parents paid all that money for them, their parents have every right to it. She said they could really use the money. We frequently sell our kids clothes, toys, etc when they outgrow them on marketplace and such, unless our kids paid for it, we use that money to buy new things for the family. When I was a teenager my parents gave me a hand me down old car, when I went away to college and the car eventually got to the end of its life, my parents sold it for scrap and I knew that was their money and I had zero problem with it because I knew my parents originally paid for it plus a whole lot more for me when I was a kid.

I agree with Anon2, but it depends on the age of the child. My DD has four outfits for her highland dancing, I have purchased all four of them for her. The outfits are hers now, to do as she pleases. When she was younger she knew the outfits were to be used to purchase new ones if she wanted one or outgrew one. But now she is older of she decides she is done and wants to quit the outfits are hers to do as she pleases. If she wants to keep them she can, if she wants to sell them feel free the money is hers to do as she wants. Thing is most highland dancers keep their last kilt outfit.

But then again the situation between myself and the OP may be different, so could change my view if I needed the money.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to let the kids decide and to keep the money, but it’s also not wrong for the parents to decide and keep the money for expensive activities that they paid for. If something had super sentimental value, like my son was given a nice violin for his birthday by my husbands grandmother or there’s a sports uniform my daughter really wanted to keep, then I’d take that into account, it is a conversation and not something we just do without them knowing, but we’re not leaving for example sports equipment for a sport they no longer play sitting in our closet taking up space. They understand that equipment both for extra curriculars aren’t “gifts”, they are equipment purchased for them to do an activity, which we also paid for, and will be either passed down to their younger siblings or sold once they no long have use for it.

This is where we differ. As if I am purchasing the item for my child it is their item. Unless we are reinvesting in a new piece of equipment, they can do what they want with it.

[jas]

I would let them decide. My oldest played alto and we bought him one. He later sold it at a garage sale when he no longer played it and now regrets it as he wants to take it up again. My middle child is graduating this year and has no interest in stopping his playing. He has a variety of musical instruments that he picks up when he is in various moods. Regardless of the debate of "ownership", they are the ones using it. If they are completely done, sell them. If not, don't. jmo...