I am second guessing getting married because of his reaction to me not wanting to change my last name

[Nopeville]

So if you would had a a child previous to marrying your ex husband and then you had more children with your ex-husband what last name would they have had? would you have given them your maiden name or your ex's name so that their siblings and you would all have the same last name? what if you and your fiance or not fiance anymore I guess would have had children what name would they have had as their last name your ex's name question mark do you see how ridiculous it sounds now?

Changing your name is a PIA. I don't blame her for not changing it. If my circumstances ever change, I will never change my name again.
She doesn't need a reason, or need to make sense to anyone but her.

And every single man that she dates will always feel second string to her ex-husband. She's selfish

No man with any balls will feel "second string". Why are all the men you know so fragile? Seriously, I know several people who didn't change their name when marrying or remarrying and none of their husbands acted like whiny babies about it. It's HER name. I've had DH's last name for 17 years. My kids have the same name. If something bizarre happens and I end up remarrying, I'll NEVER change my name again. Looks like I'm "selfish" then?

[CotterpinDoozer]

Instead of approaching this like a rational adult to see what they could do compromise, he accused you of "keeping it from him", threw a tantrum, and won't speak to you, unless it's to be verbally abusive? Yeah, nothing about that says "aww, poor guy" to me, it screams "fragile male ego" though. He's acting like a baby because "but you did it for him" and the fact that he chose to go about it by behaving in that manner makes me think the OP dodged a really big bullet.

[Anonymous 2]

So if you would had a a child previous to marrying your ex husband and then you had more children with your ex-husband what last name would they have had? would you have given them your maiden name or your ex's name so that their siblings and you would all have the same last name? what if you and your fiance or not fiance anymore I guess would have had children what name would they have had as their last name your ex's name question mark do you see how ridiculous it sounds now?

I wouldnt have a kid that didnt have the same last name as me. That is not ridiculous at all.

If I had kids before and after with my ex husband I would have given the kids my last name still.

I am not having more kids

Wait. If you were married to Mr. Jones and had 2 kids, then divorced and married Mr. Smith and had 2 more kids you would name those kids Jones also? Lol.

I was married had 2 kids and then divorced. I swore that I would never get married again and I havent. I met my ExSO, he knew from the beginning that I would never marry him. We had kids and they also have my last name (my married last name).

[Anonymous 10]

It isn't your way or the highway and his feelings are valid too. Hyphenating is a valid compromise that you shut down because again, it's all about YOU and YOUR feelings. Sounds like HE dodged a bullet here.

Yes the person who is verbally abusive dodged a bullet *rolls eyes*

He wont even meet up with me so we can talk. I am going to have to break up with him via text. I am giving him until dinner tonight and if he wont even talk to me I wont have a choice

It is my name and my choice

People say mean things when feelings run high. It does not constitute verbal abuse. Have you ever lost your temper and said something mean to someone? I have, including people I was in a relationship with. It's one thing to do it when you are highly upset, which he is. That's not verbal abuse. It's another to do it constantly. That is abuse.

Yes it does. People dont go around cussing out their SO while in a good mood. Just because you are mad,upset, disappointed or sad does not give you the right to belittle and demean anyone. Its abusive and a piss poor,childish communication technique. Add in the silent treatment its definitely abuse. Not only verbal but also emotional.

[Inmybizz]

So..are you getting married?

[Traci_Momof2]

It isn't your way or the highway and his feelings are valid too. Hyphenating is a valid compromise that you shut down because again, it's all about YOU and YOUR feelings. Sounds like HE dodged a bullet here.

Yes the person who is verbally abusive dodged a bullet *rolls eyes*

He wont even meet up with me so we can talk. I am going to have to break up with him via text. I am giving him until dinner tonight and if he wont even talk to me I wont have a choice

It is my name and my choice

People say mean things when feelings run high. It does not constitute verbal abuse. Have you ever lost your temper and said something mean to someone? I have, including people I was in a relationship with. It's one thing to do it when you are highly upset, which he is. That's not verbal abuse. It's another to do it constantly. That is abuse.

Bullshit! Everything you said here is pure, utter bullshit. I don't care how mad or upset someone is, it is NEVER acceptable to call the other person a "nasty, stupid bitch". I mean, this is someone you supposedly love, and you're going to call them awful names??? Do you really live your life like that?

My DH and I have been married for 20 years. We've had plenty of disagreements and arguments over the years. Ones that have had us both in tears. But never, NEVER has he ever called me a name like that. And I've never called him a name either. You know why? Because we are respectful adults who LOVE each other and even though we may be pissed off at each other at the moment we still wouldn't stoop so low as to call each other nasty names. Calling names is ghetto trash behavior. It's not at all how normal people act.

[Gorilla_Mama]

Yes the person who is verbally abusive dodged a bullet *rolls eyes*

He wont even meet up with me so we can talk. I am going to have to break up with him via text. I am giving him until dinner tonight and if he wont even talk to me I wont have a choice

It is my name and my choice

People say mean things when feelings run high. It does not constitute verbal abuse. Have you ever lost your temper and said something mean to someone? I have, including people I was in a relationship with. It's one thing to do it when you are highly upset, which he is. That's not verbal abuse. It's another to do it constantly. That is abuse.

Bullshit! Everything you said here is pure, utter bullshit. I don't care how mad or upset someone is, it is NEVER acceptable to call the other person a "nasty, stupid bitch". I mean, this is someone you supposedly love, and you're going to call them awful names??? Do you really live your life like that?

My DH and I have been married for 20 years. We've had plenty of disagreements and arguments over the years. Ones that have had us both in tears. But never, NEVER has he ever called me a name like that. And I've never called him a name either. You know why? Because we are respectful adults who LOVE each other and even though we may be pissed off at each other at the moment we still wouldn't stoop so low as to call each other nasty names. Calling names is ghetto trash behavior. It's not at all how normal people act.

Do you normally swear? I’m just curious bc it might not be normal vocabulary for you but that doesn’t automatically make it ghetto trash behavior. Lol.

[Traci_Momof2]

People say mean things when feelings run high. It does not constitute verbal abuse. Have you ever lost your temper and said something mean to someone? I have, including people I was in a relationship with. It's one thing to do it when you are highly upset, which he is. That's not verbal abuse. It's another to do it constantly. That is abuse.

Bullshit! Everything you said here is pure, utter bullshit. I don't care how mad or upset someone is, it is NEVER acceptable to call the other person a "nasty, stupid bitch". I mean, this is someone you supposedly love, and you're going to call them awful names??? Do you really live your life like that?

My DH and I have been married for 20 years. We've had plenty of disagreements and arguments over the years. Ones that have had us both in tears. But never, NEVER has he ever called me a name like that. And I've never called him a name either. You know why? Because we are respectful adults who LOVE each other and even though we may be pissed off at each other at the moment we still wouldn't stoop so low as to call each other nasty names. Calling names is ghetto trash behavior. It's not at all how normal people act.

Do you normally swear? I’m just curious bc it might not be normal vocabulary for you but that doesn’t automatically make it ghetto trash behavior. Lol.

Don't be obtuse. I'm not talking about swearing. Everyone I know F***ing swears on occasion. I'm talking about name calling. OP said her husband called her a "nasty stupid bitch". That is NEVER acceptable from someone who supposedly loves you. I can't believe there are people out there who accept that behavior and who defend that behavior. It's disgusting.

[MuggleMama]

I am not saying that his feelings arent valid but in the end it shouldnt be something causing so many issues. There is no reason for him to be acting the way he is

Uh, yeah. You either didn't comprehend what I wrote or it didn't sink in.

He has feelings and they are valid, just like yours.

I dont think you are understanding what I am saying and meaning. It doesnt matter how valid his feelings are... it is not okay how he is acting and treating me over this. Even if I was the one 100% in the wrong (which I dont agree I am just giving an example) it still wouldnt be okay for him to be acting like he is. Nothing justifies that and it should have never came to that because at the end of the day it is a name.

HIS NAME there’s a difference, however I agree if he’s being verbally abusive that’s the end. Did you you think about when your daughters get married? You all won’t have the same name then.

[Anonymous 10]

Uh, yeah. You either didn't comprehend what I wrote or it didn't sink in.

He has feelings and they are valid, just like yours.

I dont think you are understanding what I am saying and meaning. It doesnt matter how valid his feelings are... it is not okay how he is acting and treating me over this. Even if I was the one 100% in the wrong (which I dont agree I am just giving an example) it still wouldnt be okay for him to be acting like he is. Nothing justifies that and it should have never came to that because at the end of the day it is a name.

HIS NAME there’s a difference, however I agree if he’s being verbally abusive that’s the end. Did you you think about when your daughters get married? You all won’t have the same name then.

No the disagreement is about OP's name. His name is his do as he wishes. So is OP's name and she wishes not to change hers....


Its not about having the same name when they are adults. Its just easier for some people while their children are minors