CUBA GOODING JR. HAND ON ACCUSER IN SURVEILLANCE VIDEO FROM BAR

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Valentina327
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TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:54 pm When I was 19, I fell asleep after a party at my best friend’s house. Hours later I woke up to some dude from the party laying in the bed I was in, stroking my hair and jerking off.

I didn’t scream, or get up, or shove him off me. Before that moment, I would have said that I would, should I find myself in that situation. But there, as it was happening... I froze. I was stunned and embarrassed I didn’t know what to do so I did nothing. Does that make it not an assault? Do I owe having had some kind of predetermined reaction for my feelings about what happened that night to be valid?
Valentina327 wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 8:42 pm
msb64 wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 6:40 pm

I don't know a single decent man who touches women they don't know on the thigh or breast - within seconds of them sitting down.
He took her hand to kiss it. It's not like he walked up to her and went "honk honk" and grabbed two handfuls. It appears that it was brushed, not groped, in the act of taking her hand.

I've touched people while I've spoken to them. She didn't get up. She didn't readjust to get away from him. She didn't move his hand. Miraculously this was Ann assault hours and hours later.

She's full of crap.
Whole horse of another color from someone casually touching you in conversation. I'm sorry if you can't see the difference.
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TheReluctantHippie
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So if a strange man casually touched your thigh and breast, that’s fine?

I thought it was her reaction that made it acceptable. Now it’s just okay to grope her because he didn’t also jerk off?
Valentina327 wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:51 pm
TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:54 pm When I was 19, I fell asleep after a party at my best friend’s house. Hours later I woke up to some dude from the party laying in the bed I was in, stroking my hair and jerking off.

I didn’t scream, or get up, or shove him off me. Before that moment, I would have said that I would, should I find myself in that situation. But there, as it was happening... I froze. I was stunned and embarrassed I didn’t know what to do so I did nothing. Does that make it not an assault? Do I owe having had some kind of predetermined reaction for my feelings about what happened that night to be valid?
Valentina327 wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 8:42 pm

He took her hand to kiss it. It's not like he walked up to her and went "honk honk" and grabbed two handfuls. It appears that it was brushed, not groped, in the act of taking her hand.

I've touched people while I've spoken to them. She didn't get up. She didn't readjust to get away from him. She didn't move his hand. Miraculously this was Ann assault hours and hours later.

She's full of crap.
Whole horse of another color from someone casually touching you in conversation. I'm sorry if you can't see the difference.
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HanSolo
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TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:48 am So if a strange man casually touched your thigh and breast, that’s fine?

I thought it was her reaction that made it acceptable. Now it’s just okay to grope her because he didn’t also jerk off?
Valentina327 wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:51 pm
TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:54 pm When I was 19, I fell asleep after a party at my best friend’s house. Hours later I woke up to some dude from the party laying in the bed I was in, stroking my hair and jerking off.

I didn’t scream, or get up, or shove him off me. Before that moment, I would have said that I would, should I find myself in that situation. But there, as it was happening... I froze. I was stunned and embarrassed I didn’t know what to do so I did nothing. Does that make it not an assault? Do I owe having had some kind of predetermined reaction for my feelings about what happened that night to be valid?
Whole horse of another color from someone casually touching you in conversation. I'm sorry if you can't see the difference.
You are being ridiculous.
.
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HanSolo
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TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:48 am So if a strange man casually touched your thigh and breast, that’s fine?

I thought it was her reaction that made it acceptable. Now it’s just okay to grope her because he didn’t also jerk off?
Valentina327 wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:51 pm
TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:54 pm When I was 19, I fell asleep after a party at my best friend’s house. Hours later I woke up to some dude from the party laying in the bed I was in, stroking my hair and jerking off.

I didn’t scream, or get up, or shove him off me. Before that moment, I would have said that I would, should I find myself in that situation. But there, as it was happening... I froze. I was stunned and embarrassed I didn’t know what to do so I did nothing. Does that make it not an assault? Do I owe having had some kind of predetermined reaction for my feelings about what happened that night to be valid?
Whole horse of another color from someone casually touching you in conversation. I'm sorry if you can't see the difference.
He didn’t assault her, give it up.
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TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:48 am So if a strange man casually touched your thigh and breast, that’s fine?

I thought it was her reaction that made it acceptable. Now it’s just okay to grope her because he didn’t also jerk off?
Valentina327 wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:51 pm
TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:54 pm When I was 19, I fell asleep after a party at my best friend’s house. Hours later I woke up to some dude from the party laying in the bed I was in, stroking my hair and jerking off.

I didn’t scream, or get up, or shove him off me. Before that moment, I would have said that I would, should I find myself in that situation. But there, as it was happening... I froze. I was stunned and embarrassed I didn’t know what to do so I did nothing. Does that make it not an assault? Do I owe having had some kind of predetermined reaction for my feelings about what happened that night to be valid?
Whole horse of another color from someone casually touching you in conversation. I'm sorry if you can't see the difference.
Honestly, you are too dramatic. He didn't "grope" her or "grab" her breast. He took her hand and kissed it. Sorry for your experience but when you compare the two and try and make them the same, you do a big disservice to someone who has been really assaulted. Trust me, I too speak from real experience.
TheReluctantHippie
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His hand is visibly on her chest for several seconds.
HanSolo wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:25 pm
TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:18 pm Yeah, most assaults are not identical.
hotspice58 wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:17 pm She was not asleep...she was wide awake.

First of all, I’m sorry that happened to you. Second, I don’t know how you can equate these two situations. What did he do to her that was assault? Kiss her hand? Touch her leg? She was obviously not bothered. She followed the whole crew when they walked away.
TheReluctantHippie
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I’m not trying to make them the same. I’m using an example a person reacting in an unexpected way to behavior that you could not possibly justify as appropriate to demonstrate that the visible reaction of the person being touched is not an indication of whether the touching is welcome or appropriate.

I see a man in that video touching a woman’s thigh and breast. Those are intimate areas a nd the woman, regardless of her reaction in the moment, said it made her uncomfortable. since you don’t know if a stranger wants you touching them unless you have permission, how hard is it to keep your hands to yourself?

No. The people attacking a woman for expressing that a man made her uncomfortable are the ones doing victims a disservice. Normalizing uninvited touching and demeaning women who report it as “dramatic” does nothing other than make women afraid to speak up and enable men who think they are doing nothing wrong.
Mommabearof2 wrote: Sun Jun 16, 2019 7:31 am
TheReluctantHippie wrote: Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:48 am So if a strange man casually touched your thigh and breast, that’s fine?

I thought it was her reaction that made it acceptable. Now it’s just okay to grope her because he didn’t also jerk off?
Valentina327 wrote: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:51 pm

Whole horse of another color from someone casually touching you in conversation. I'm sorry if you can't see the difference.
Honestly, you are too dramatic. He didn't "grope" her or "grab" her breast. He took her hand and kissed it. Sorry for your experience but when you compare the two and try and make them the same, you do a big disservice to someone who has been really assaulted. Trust me, I too speak from real experience.
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Quorra2.0
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I think the hand on the leg was too familiar imo. I wouldn’t let someone I wasn’t involved with touch my leg that way. I’d have moved my leg to indicate the touch was unwanted. He didn’t just place his hand on her thigh, it more like his palm was rested on her thigh and fingers on the inside of her thigh. But from the video, it doesn’t look like he grabbed her breast, it was the back of his hand towards her not his palm, the back of his hand may have brushed her, but it’s hard to really tell one way or another.
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So often, women who accuse men of inappropriate behavior and told to "prove it or it didn't happen". This woman was fortunate to have video tape of the encounter and the tape was enough for the police to make an arrest. And she's to blame!
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god, these women are going to ruin male/female relations for the rest of people. *I* don't want to live in a world where most human contact and flirting is gone.

if a man makes a unwanted advance or makes you "uncomfortable"- WALK AWAY or say no.

sorry, your thigh is not a sexual organ. I know #metoo women think every part of them is a special package all men want to unwrap and every man is out to rape them but that's not reality. 🙄
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