Finished reading Unconditional Parenting...

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By Alfie Kohn.

I did not like it as much as his book “the myth of the spoiled child”.

But it was a quick listen. And definitely fits part of my style of parenting, trying to support the strategy of only picking important battles and letting children make as many choices as possible.

Strong disciplinarians would HATE the book.
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Yeah it's great if you have a compliant child. Strong willed, not so much. And he's too much of a hippy-dippy, granola crunching, woo-woo, not dealing with reality. Raising kids isn't as easy as he thinks it is. I'm all for picking my battles and letting the kid have choices which actually works great for strong willed kids. I read his book and it was 100% not helpful at all. I wouldn't consider what he's recommending parenting at all. Kids need structure and need a parent to guide them not abdicate adult responsibilities. If he had raised my daughter, she would have pushed him over the edge.
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pinkbutterfly66 wrote: Sat Sep 22, 2018 1:49 am Yeah it's great if you have a compliant child. Strong willed, not so much. And he's too much of a hippy-dippy, granola crunching, woo-woo, not dealing with reality. Raising kids isn't as easy as he thinks it is. I'm all for picking my battles and letting the kid have choices which actually works great for strong willed kids. I read his book and it was 100% not helpful at all. I wouldn't consider what he's recommending parenting at all. Kids need structure and need a parent to guide them not abdicate adult responsibilities. If he had raised my daughter, she would have pushed him over the edge.

I did not actually interpret his book in that manner. As i don’t know if I had a later edition, but he said repeatedly kids need structure. And he also said, they cannot make all decisions, that adult must make any and all related to safety, for example.

But I do feel that research supports that anxiety in our youth has increased remarkably much in part to their inability to have control in their lives or make decisions from a young age.
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LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:41 am
pinkbutterfly66 wrote: Sat Sep 22, 2018 1:49 am Yeah it's great if you have a compliant child. Strong willed, not so much. And he's too much of a hippy-dippy, granola crunching, woo-woo, not dealing with reality. Raising kids isn't as easy as he thinks it is. I'm all for picking my battles and letting the kid have choices which actually works great for strong willed kids. I read his book and it was 100% not helpful at all. I wouldn't consider what he's recommending parenting at all. Kids need structure and need a parent to guide them not abdicate adult responsibilities. If he had raised my daughter, she would have pushed him over the edge.

I did not actually interpret his book in that manner. As i don’t know if I had a later edition, but he said repeatedly kids need structure. And he also said, they cannot make all decisions, that adult must make any and all related to safety, for example.

But I do feel that research supports that anxiety in our youth has increased remarkably much in part to their inability to have control in their lives or make decisions from a young age.
That was the second book I read on parenting. The first was Raising Your Spirited Child. That was unhelpful too. All it did was reinforce that I did indeed have a bright and strong willed kids. Kohn, was even more laid almost comatose. I'm a laid back parent and definitely don't sweat the small stuff but when I read that book, I needed a lot more guidance than his hands off approach. Like I said, it's a great book if you have a compliant kid. Awful if you have a bright and strong wiled kid.
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pinkbutterfly66 wrote: Sun Sep 23, 2018 1:23 pm
LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:41 am
pinkbutterfly66 wrote: Sat Sep 22, 2018 1:49 am Yeah it's great if you have a compliant child. Strong willed, not so much. And he's too much of a hippy-dippy, granola crunching, woo-woo, not dealing with reality. Raising kids isn't as easy as he thinks it is. I'm all for picking my battles and letting the kid have choices which actually works great for strong willed kids. I read his book and it was 100% not helpful at all. I wouldn't consider what he's recommending parenting at all. Kids need structure and need a parent to guide them not abdicate adult responsibilities. If he had raised my daughter, she would have pushed him over the edge.

I did not actually interpret his book in that manner. As i don’t know if I had a later edition, but he said repeatedly kids need structure. And he also said, they cannot make all decisions, that adult must make any and all related to safety, for example.

But I do feel that research supports that anxiety in our youth has increased remarkably much in part to their inability to have control in their lives or make decisions from a young age.
That was the second book I read on parenting. The first was Raising Your Spirited Child. That was unhelpful too. All it did was reinforce that I did indeed have a bright and strong willed kids. Kohn, was even more laid almost comatose. I'm a laid back parent and definitely don't sweat the small stuff but when I read that book, I needed a lot more guidance than his hands off approach. Like I said, it's a great book if you have a compliant kid. Awful if you have a bright and strong wiled kid.
Lol, I am a parenting book junkie, it is like my 40ish, maybe 50ish, something book. I have 3 kids, I find each of extremely difficult to raise for a variety of reasons. So maybe the real problem is me, haha! But I do wish there was a clear instruction book for each of them, but I have yet to find one.
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LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Sep 23, 2018 3:05 pm
pinkbutterfly66 wrote: Sun Sep 23, 2018 1:23 pm
LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Sep 23, 2018 8:41 am

I did not actually interpret his book in that manner. As i don’t know if I had a later edition, but he said repeatedly kids need structure. And he also said, they cannot make all decisions, that adult must make any and all related to safety, for example.

But I do feel that research supports that anxiety in our youth has increased remarkably much in part to their inability to have control in their lives or make decisions from a young age.
That was the second book I read on parenting. The first was Raising Your Spirited Child. That was unhelpful too. All it did was reinforce that I did indeed have a bright and strong willed kids. Kohn, was even more laid almost comatose. I'm a laid back parent and definitely don't sweat the small stuff but when I read that book, I needed a lot more guidance than his hands off approach. Like I said, it's a great book if you have a compliant kid. Awful if you have a bright and strong willed kid.
Lol, I am a parenting book junkie, it is like my 40ish, maybe 50ish, something book. I have 3 kids, I find each of extremely difficult to raise for a variety of reasons. So maybe the real problem is me, haha! But I do wish there was a clear instruction book for each of them, but I have yet to find one.
I found Robert Mackenzie's "Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child" very helpful. He was the first one who actually offered practical tips and solutions.
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I am glad it worked for you, I had to go glance at it again, as I have read so many books about difficult, stubborn children, haha, I wasn’t for sure if I had read this specific one, but ah, yes, I had.

I thought it was well written, but was pretty rigid in application, and catered to a very narrow, specific temperament, despite his claims it works for a wider selection. Or perhaps, my temperament just did not feel overly comfortable with his parenting behaviors

But overall, I appreciated it, as most of the books I have read on parenting, there are certainly lessons to take away.

If I wrote a book, I would call it consistency with compassion. And he gave pointers on the consistency.
pinkbutterfly66 wrote: Sun Sep 23, 2018 3:14 pm
LiveWhatULove wrote: Sun Sep 23, 2018 3:05 pm
pinkbutterfly66 wrote: Sun Sep 23, 2018 1:23 pm

That was the second book I read on parenting. The first was Raising Your Spirited Child. That was unhelpful too. All it did was reinforce that I did indeed have a bright and strong willed kids. Kohn, was even more laid almost comatose. I'm a laid back parent and definitely don't sweat the small stuff but when I read that book, I needed a lot more guidance than his hands off approach. Like I said, it's a great book if you have a compliant kid. Awful if you have a bright and strong willed kid.
Lol, I am a parenting book junkie, it is like my 40ish, maybe 50ish, something book. I have 3 kids, I find each of extremely difficult to raise for a variety of reasons. So maybe the real problem is me, haha! But I do wish there was a clear instruction book for each of them, but I have yet to find one.
I found Robert Mackenzie's "Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child" very helpful. He was the first one who actually offered practical tips and solutions.
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