Weird? Entitled? Perfectly acceptable?

[HaggardWitch]

"Screaming" is subjective. I don't consider a raised voice "screaming," so there's a discrepancy there.

The Father wore the hat. The hat represents him. The daughters can't get another Dad; but the woman can get another husband.

[jas]

Were you there? Define screaming at her mother, please. What words were used?

[jas]

"Screaming" is subjective. I don't consider a raised voice "screaming," so there's a discrepancy there.

The Father wore the hat. The hat represents him. The daughters can't get another Dad; but the woman can get another husband.

We can take it a step further - daughter lost her father who wore the hat. If she likes her moms boyfriend, she might see it as since he has cancer, she's going to lose this guy as well, wearing the same hat.

[Anonymous 2]

Considering that her dad died 10 years ago, yes, it's an oddly strong reaction for a hat. I can understand the hat having memories and meaning, but 10 years later getting hysterical? If I was the mom I wouldn't allow her to get away with yelling at me like that.

The daughter is entitled to her feelings but she's not entitled to yell at anyone because of them. Ultimately it's the mom's choice whether she wants her new beau wearing her old husband's hat or not. The daughter can build a bridge.

I would have felt and reacted the same way if someone wore anything from my dad unless it was my brother or I. Nobody else has the right too. My dad has been gone 30yrs. It would have caused an extreme rift in the family if my mom didn't rectify it. However, my mom understood that and never once would have ever done that understanding the feelings it would have caused.

[Traci_Momof2]

If it brought up memories and the daughter associated that hat with her dad, those are her reactions and feelings and valid for her

Valid for her but it doesn't give her the right to scream at her mother. 10 years later and she's still having strong reactions like that? I'd say she hasn't properly dealt with her feelings over the past decade.

I have my grandfathers hat hanging in my living room. He’s been gone 8 years. I have dealt with my loss, but I would be upset if someone was wearing it. (I wouldn’t scream, but that’s not my personality) and most time no one has the right to scream, but they do.

But your grandfather's hat presumably belongs to you and you get to control what does and does not happen to it.

In the OP's story the hat presumably belongs to the woman and she gets to control what does and does not happen to it. The hat does not belong to the daughter and therefore she does not get to control what happens with it. She needs to learn to live with that. The woman wants her new beau to wear it while he suffers the same disease and that is completely the woman's choice to make. Not the daughter's.

Maybe the moral of the story is don't put all your emotional eggs into a basket you have no control over.

[jas]

Valid for her but it doesn't give her the right to scream at her mother. 10 years later and she's still having strong reactions like that? I'd say she hasn't properly dealt with her feelings over the past decade.

I have my grandfathers hat hanging in my living room. He’s been gone 8 years. I have dealt with my loss, but I would be upset if someone was wearing it. (I wouldn’t scream, but that’s not my personality) and most time no one has the right to scream, but they do.

But your grandfather's hat presumably belongs to you and you get to control what does and does not happen to it.

In the OP's story the hat presumably belongs to the woman and she gets to control what does and does not happen to it. The hat does not belong to the daughter and therefore she does not get to control what happens with it. She needs to learn to live with that. The woman wants her new beau to wear it while he suffers the same disease and that is completely the woman's choice to make. Not the daughter's.

Maybe the moral of the story is don't put all your emotional eggs into a basket you have no control over.

That's asinine.

[That'swhatshesaid]

I can understand her daughter being upset about that but she should have talked to her mom like an adult instead of screaming like a maniac.

[mommy_jules]

I wouldn’t consider this episode any of the things you listed. She saw someone else wearing her dead father’s hat. It brought up emotions/issues that caused her distress. She lashed out. Not entitled, not weird, but not entirely acceptable either, even though, I can empathize with her.

[Traci_Momof2]

Considering that her dad died 10 years ago, yes, it's an oddly strong reaction for a hat. I can understand the hat having memories and meaning, but 10 years later getting hysterical? If I was the mom I wouldn't allow her to get away with yelling at me like that.

The daughter is entitled to her feelings but she's not entitled to yell at anyone because of them. Ultimately it's the mom's choice whether she wants her new beau wearing her old husband's hat or not. The daughter can build a bridge.

Get away with?
I don’t know what she could do about the yelling? Sure I don’t yell at my mom, but if I did, what could she do other than choose not to have me around?

Exactly that. If I was the mom in this scenario, and gave the hat to my boyfriend to wear, and my adult child came in and started screaming at me about it, I would tell them to leave and that I don't want to see or talk to them until they can have a mature, calm conversation with me about it. There is absolutely no reason why I need to just stand there and be yelled at by my own child when I've done nothing wrong. I refuse to put up with it and I refuse to engage irrational people.

[MonarchMom]

It sounds like the adult daughter has some unresolved emotions around her Dad's death and/or her Mother choosing to have a new relationship. She is entitled to have her own feelings, though I don't think yelling at your Dad is appropriate.
Without knowing the back story I wouldn't pass judgement. If it was me, I'd just tell her I'm sorry borrowing the hat had upset her and I meant no disrespect. Then let it go.