Mostly a vent but advice appreciated update

Superbutt
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stilltfez wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 7:21 am I think the four of you need to talk and get a game plan, then you need to sit with you four and her and discuss her lies and the repercussions. She also should begin counselling w/ the family.
Yes, she has the same consequences at both of our homes. But that doesn't feel like enough, and idk how to help more other than just more counseling..maybe a mental evaluation?? I'm lost.
Anonymous 3

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First, I want to say (in case anyone gives you crap for it), I don't blame you if when writing in here about your SD you refer to her as your DD. I think as soon as the word "step" enters the topic, the responses from members are often become focused on the "step" situation rather than the true topic.

Now...about your SD...I don't condone lying. In fact, it's one thing that can really turn me off to a person. That said, I think your SD is hurting...majorly...about something. It could be that she is upset about the divorce. It could be something going on at school. It could be because it's tough being a 12yo. Whatever it is, she is hurting and it appears she needs to talk. It appears that she does need attention. Lots of it.

I think when people lie, it is often because they feel inadequate...insignificant...not worthy. My recommendation to you, your DH, and BM would be to START PUMPING UP THIS GIRL'S SELF ESTEEM.

I could be wrong. I've been known to be. But I care about your SD and it sounds like you do, too. Try building her up. And then, let us know how she is doing. Best wishes to all of you.
Anonymous 1

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Superbutt wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 8:35 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 7:52 am You all need to figure out why she's lying about these things.
Personally i think she was worried that we found the stepdad email and so she said the other stuff to shift the focus. She was afraid she wouldnt get to see her mom anymore. And bm told her that her and her dad were going back to court and that we wanted full custody because of many reasons. So she has been worried and stressed over that. Maybe she is trying to prevent that? But she really had no reason to lie about the stepdad thing, imo...then again she does lie about a lot of things.
So do you think the step dad story is true? Are you trying to get full custody? Do you not get along with the other set of parents?
Superbutt
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Anonymous 3 wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:10 am First, I want to say (in case anyone gives you crap for it), I don't blame you if when writing in here about your SD you refer to her as your DD. I think as soon as the word "step" enters the topic, the responses from members are often become focused on the "step" situation rather than the true topic.

Now...about your SD...I don't condone lying. In fact, it's one thing that can really turn me off to a person. That said, I think your SD is hurting...majorly...about something. It could be that she is upset about the divorce. It could be something going on at school. It could be because it's tough being a 12yo. Whatever it is, she is hurting and it appears she needs to talk. It appears that she does need attention. Lots of it.

I think when people lie, it is often because they feel inadequate...insignificant...not worthy. My recommendation to you, your DH, and BM would be to START PUMPING UP THIS GIRL'S SELF ESTEEM.

I could be wrong. I've been known to be. But I care about your SD and it sounds like you do, too. Try building her up. And then, let us know how she is doing. Best wishes to all of you.
Thank you! I will work on this
Superbutt
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:30 am
Superbutt wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 8:35 am
Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 7:52 am You all need to figure out why she's lying about these things.
Personally i think she was worried that we found the stepdad email and so she said the other stuff to shift the focus. She was afraid she wouldnt get to see her mom anymore. And bm told her that her and her dad were going back to court and that we wanted full custody because of many reasons. So she has been worried and stressed over that. Maybe she is trying to prevent that? But she really had no reason to lie about the stepdad thing, imo...then again she does lie about a lot of things.
So do you think the step dad story is true? Are you trying to get full custody? Do you not get along with the other set of parents?
Idk if it's true. What she said about me was said under pressure when she was scared. What she said about him was said voluntarily in a neutral situation to a friend in private. We get along at times and sometimes disagree but yes we are trying to get full custody and we already had filed a motion before all this happened.
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I would definitely have complete transparency with all parties involved including her therapist.
Superbutt
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Lotus wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 10:01 am I would definitely have complete transparency with all parties involved including her therapist.
Meaning? Just be honest? Cause we definitely are. Just wondering, lol
Anonymous 4

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I tell ya what, if I behaved like that my Mom would have beat my ass. And I wouldn't have done it again. Shrug. There wasn't any oh little precious let's go to therapy. It was stop your F***ing bullshit or get your ass beat and I did. The end.
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Anonymous 4 wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 10:21 am I tell ya what, if I behaved like that my Mom would have beat my ass. And I wouldn't have done it again. Shrug. There wasn't any oh little precious let's go to therapy. It was stop your F***ing bullshit or get your ass beat and I did. The end.
Lmao..i mentioned this to both mom and dad. Neither of them feel comfortable doing so
Superbutt
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Anonymous 1 wrote: Mon Aug 19, 2019 7:52 am You all need to figure out why she's lying about these things.
Actually bm told me today that sd has been telling her the seeing me naked thing for a long time, but bm never mentioned it because she feels it is normal? Idek anymore
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