Are you f-ing serious ETA

[Superbutt]

Dd12 is driving me nuts.
She has been being so disrespectful of her things. I used to help her clean and organize her room but once she turned 11 i decided she can do it. She just trashes her room all the time. My rule was before bed and before leaving the house, your stuff should be picked up and taken care of. But still, she leaves books all over the floor, some of them library books. Clothes, makeup, markwrs, notebooks, accessories, anything she owns, really. We have talked about this SO MANY TIMES. i have taken everything that she left on the floor several times and just recently talked with her and gave it back. The very next time she leaves the hous, the room is trashed again. Am i crazy?? What is a good approach here?

Eta..
She shares a room with dd8. Sorry i didn't include that info initially

[QuantumNursing]

Not give it back

[Danesmommy1]

If I had to pick it up, it would be mine now. She'd have to earn them back and I wouldn't make it easy on her.

[Jessi19]

The problem is you helped organize and clean her room my son is 4 and I rarely help other than maybe a little direction. I haven’t helped my dd now 10 since she was about my sons age. If my dd didn’t clean her room she’d lose her stuff and/or electronics/going to friends

[Anonymous 1]

Choose your battles. This is barely anything in reality. Maybe lower the bedroom standards and close her door. My kids used to be extremely messy and the older they got they wanted it cleaner (without me asking). And I got tired of worrying about it.

[Traci_Momof2]

I would be no help because I've never had that rule for myself. Only when we've had the house on the market and it needed to be show-ready at a moments notice have I had everything picked up every time I leave the house.

So yeah, I can empathize with your DD more than I can with you.

[7byher]

That would drive me crazy.

[Anonymous 2]

The only rule I ever had for my 5 was, do not leave food, dishes, or cups in your room.

I just closed their doors. It seemed to take care of itself as they got older. I did not replace anything that they broke, lost, or ruined. Your room, your stuff, your problem. If they wanted someone to sleep over, the only thing I would say is "if your room is clean the way I would clean it, no problem"

It was never a line in the sand for me.

[mrsjules79]

Choose your battles. This is barely anything in reality. Maybe lower the bedroom standards and close her door. My kids used to be extremely messy and the older they got they wanted it cleaner (without me asking). And I got tired of worrying about it.

Exactly. I gave up. If she broke anything, not my problem. Only rules were no food/dishes or dirty clothes all over and there has to be a clear path from her bed to the bedroom door and to the window in case of emergency. She eventually got tired of not being able to find anything and became a neat freak.

[Hot4Tchr-Bieg]

A good place to start is having less stuff in the room. Other moms I know force kids to get rid of some belongings...I'm not a fan of that. But if she has books, stuffies, trophies, or any other random knick-knacks-and-shitty-craps that she's not ready to let go of yet, maybe she can box them up and store them in the attic. Give her space out of her room to store winter clothes in summer.

Next thing...sounds like you went cold turkey on the "helping" when maybe she needed a baby step in-between. At age 11, you definitely shouldn't be in there, hands-on. But sitting down with her and writing out no more than 5 checklist items for the clean room is age-appropriate. And that checklist should reflect the reality that a clean room need not be perfect. Some people can't function without making a bit of a mess. If the rule is that the room needs to be clean before bed and before leaving, make sure you aren't laying into her for shit on the floor at other times.

Then, once that's in place, get serious. If she walks out the door with her checklist incomplete, go get her from wherever she is and bring her back. Don't wait. She falls asleep with her checklist incomplete? Wake her ass up. It's significantly more work for you than it is for her, but any less and you may be fighting this battle until the day she moves out.